I was getting bored. Tired. Over it all. Over what all? Life, love, work, friends, family? I don’t know. I just felt like I needed something more, something else, something new. Ive never really questioned life so much before. One thing I loved about him was he made me question things, mostly always in a positive way. What is life about? To just work all the time? What about adventure? Passion? Journey?
I started to think about this more and more and as much as I was soo happy in my little bubble we call our comfort zone, I couldn’t help but wonder what else was out there, for us, for me.
He loved me a lot, I could tell. He only wanted me to experience the best life I possibly could. He was my biggest and number one supporter with any decisions I wanted to make. Always encouraging me to be the best person I could be. He was my person.
When I went to him and said “I want to quit my job and travel” I think I had to pick his jaw up off the ground and let him lay down for five minutes to get his head wrapped around it. I’d like to say it was me being spontaneous and that I just made the decision over night, but secretly I had been thinking about it for a while, I just didn’t want him to know cause I wanted to make the decision in my own time without him pushing or persuading me into it and I wanted to feel 100% about this massive life decision I was about to make.
I was really nervous to tell my parents, cause I felt like they had an expectation for me to continue working, buy a home and move out. Not that they ever said thats what I had to do and I guess thats where my brain is always in over drive. Always guessing what people are thinking and worrying myself sick about it.
One thing I have ALWAYS done to myself, is worry about what other people think about me. Whether its what I’m wearing that day, what I look like, what decisions I make. Pretty much anything! I was always second guessing myself asking what would this person think. Why? I don’t know, I do know that I hated it. I hated that I cared so much about what others were thinking. I hate conflict so if/when they did say something, I tended to agree just to keep the peace. Silly I know.
I always compared my relationship to my friends relationships. Always. Looking back, I realise how stupid that was. Just cause I always wasn’t where I wanted to be in mine. Out of our friends we were one of the first into a relationship and thought that meant we’d be the first for everything. Boy was I wrong! And stupid! But I started to appreciate my relationship and him more. He was fun, adventurous, loving, caring and an amazing person with the kindest soul and warmest heart. Why would I want to compare such a thing???
It was time to break the news…